Tagged Family

Wake Up Call

We all have to stop and realize at one point just how fragile we are. We’re not made of some miraculous unbreakable material, even though it feels that way sometimes. We’re not immune to the terribly harsh things that life brings our way. Whether it be mental or physical, we all succumb to it at one point or another; we are human. Unfortunately my wake up call came in the form of a death. The death of a dear friend who I regret to admit I had completely lost touch with over the past few years.

My friend was undoubtedly one very special person. He had this way of making you laugh that just couldn’t be matched by anyone else. Some of the best times of my life were made possible because of him, and even though we might have gotten into trouble for doing some of the things we did, it was always worth it. I have so many memories that I can look back on and immediately burst into laughter because of some of the ridiculous antics involved. From setting things on fire for no reason to bowling with our cars, it was all miraculous. I just wish I hadn’t taken it for granted.

I think we hear that sentiment all too often and we grow numb to it. Don’t take your family for granted. Don’t take your friends for granted. Don’t take your job for granted. It becomes one of those things that goes in one ear and out the other; until you are waiting comfortably unprepared, only to be rocked by news that you wish wasn’t true. You just want to wake up from the horrible dream that you’re encapsulated in. You just want to wake up and get back to normality.

Well, that is what I’m going to do. I’m going to wake up and stop taking things for granted. I love my family, my friends, my job, my life, and I’m going to start acting like it. We’re all guilty of spacing out to some extent, we just need to start admitting that its true and start doing something about it. Don’t let a day go by that you don’t tell someone you love that you really love them, and mean it. Don’t let a day go by that you don’t reach out and show them you care. There are so many things that I wish I could go back and share with my friend, but now its too late. I am not going to make that mistake again.

In the midst of it all, I find myself smiling. I hope you can too.

It Has Almost Been A Year

So I realized this past Saturday (July 19th) that I’m not over my grandfather’s death at all. My step-dad and I had gone over to my grandmother’s house to mow the grass since she was out of town, and as I was standing in the garage looking at my grandfather’s old lawnmower I just about lost it. My eyes teared up and I was barely able to hold it in.

I don’t know quite what came over me but all I could think about was the original heart-attack that started him on his rapid downward spiral toward death. It had happened in his garage and all I could think about was him dropping to the floor and trying to yell for my grandmother.

Then the good old memories of him giving us rides on the riding lawnmower back in Florida when we were kids, letting us ride in the back of his truck, all of those things just kept flooding my brain.

I never really did talk much to anyone about his death last year; just the usual things to get people off your back and stop bugging you. I don’t think I conciously avoided it but I sort of feel guilty for some reason. I don’t know, I’m weird.

As I sit here in tears writing this I’m feeling a little better, but I think it is going to take a lot more time for me to accept the fact that he really is gone. I thought I had, but I was only fooling myself. Maybe I’ll go out to his grave this week or something, I think I’d like that. Just me and him, like when we’d go see the trains or go watch the planes at the airport. Ugh, this bites.